Last Friday lecture was quite attention-grabbing, speech event which make up from a series of speech acts. Event such as job interview, market transaction, canteen vendors, wedding proposal and others
A particular cultural group will operate differently from other in the same speech event. One example given during lecture was the Speech Events of a Japanese Marriage Proposal. It came to my attention that when the man proposes to the lady, her reply for yes is; no reply at all, instead its non verbal. The lady would stand silently her with head down. During this lecture section, I suddenly recall back my cousin who is married to a Japanese lady. During the wedding ceremony, he mention about not understanding his wife culture.
A particular cultural group will operate differently from other in the same speech event. One example given during lecture was the Speech Events of a Japanese Marriage Proposal. It came to my attention that when the man proposes to the lady, her reply for yes is; no reply at all, instead its non verbal. The lady would stand silently her with head down. During this lecture section, I suddenly recall back my cousin who is married to a Japanese lady. During the wedding ceremony, he mention about not understanding his wife culture.
When he proposed to her, she too kept quiet, seeing this action he dare not ask for an answer as he assumed that she is not ready yet. Few days have passed and during a normal conversation, his wife asks him “so have you picked a date?” My cousin was surprised, he replied, “when did you decided to marry me?” she says, “The day you proposed.” In the end it work out well and the wedding occasion was a joyful one. This is an example of a cross cultural communication breakdown where one person is not aware of the others culture and the way they respond.
Let’s have an insight of a typical Malay culture marriage proposal. The Genre, topic, purpose and setting is just the same like any other Marriage proposal except for the act sequence.
Let me give you an example,
M: Holding Woman’s Hand
Siti sayang (Dear). We have been going out for 2 years already. What say you if we get engage?
W: Bursting out of enjoyment
Really! You sure?
M: Yes I’m sure... (followed by giving reason for wanting to get married)
W: So when can your parents come over?
Rules of interaction
The man must get ready the reason for engagement when ask
Norm of interpretation
· Usually the men do not ask “will you marry me” instead “let’s get engage”
· Also, it normal for the woman to ask why because she want to be convinced that she is going to get married to the right man
· The part where the women ask when the man’s parents are coming over is usually asked. This is because, in the Malay culture the couple usually cannot get married unless both parents agrees and also the couple do not set the date of marriage but both parents will set on a date of marriage.
Different cultures have different ways of speech act for a particular speech event. One must be aware and attentive to the surrounding, verbal tone and non verbal gesture to better understand the situation.
Hi Ghaff! It is interesting to know what happened to one of your relatives and having really experienced what I could have only imagined to be quite an awkward yet silly situation. The lady agreeing in silence but yet the gentlemen, not knowing the Japanese culture in terms of marriage, got upset thinking he was rejected. No doubt each culture have their own way of marriage speech acts and it would be crucial to understand how each of them looks on marriage rituals and customs. Some, in this modern world, might be neglected for reasons like waste of time or being troublesome, etc etc but I feel it is crucial to keep our roots close to ourselves. Thanks for telling us how the Malay culture revolves around the marriage. Non-verbal and verbal speech events. Interesting.
ReplyDeleteHey guys! I agree, it's important to continue certain rituals and traditional customs. It really makes this world more interesting with different cultures performing and interpreting various speech events in their own idiosyncratic manners. =) Some of which will of course, reflect each culture's values and belief systems. And thanks for sharing about the Malay culture! I never knew about these details. =)
ReplyDelete- Chiew Shan
An interesting contrast between the scenario we talked about and the one for the Malay culture. Thanks for the sharing from a cultural insider's perspective.
ReplyDeleteHello Ghaff! I suppose you could totally relate well to the norms and interpretations of a marriage proposal. Afterall, you're a husband now! hehehehehe. Okay let's take it away from a less personal level. I guess undoubtedly there are cultural differences pertaining to interpretations based on one's actions in a speech event. Taking the Japanese proposal for example, it can be a little hilarious to an outsider but can you imagine how vexed or disappointed the man would feel if he actually thought that the woman's silence was in objection to marrying him?? haha im thinking then he isnt ready to marry her since he lacks the knowledge in the most important aspect. Despite different interpretations that could be deduced from a similar action in a speech event, im sure there are also numerous universal interpretations that could be derived from a similar action. Like crying (based on whatever the situation) that could mean tears of joy or sadness, laughter that denotes happiness, a nod to express an agreement, and of course the list remains inexhaustive. -Christine
ReplyDeleteAnyway, the situation which your cousin is in, is definitely an awkward and unique one. But i am glad that it all work well too.
ReplyDeleteBut i do agree with Christine that, one should get "ready" before marriage. This includes knowing in depth in the culture of the other half :)
Well i guess it is definitely a very subjective issue if the 4 words "Will you marry me" is still widely in use today. I guess in the current age, alot of variations are being used in marriage proposal but yet, alot of women might want to hear the 4 words before actually accepting the proposal?
but my group and I will be working on this topic and hopefully, we can share our insights with you then..